Do the best you can until you know better.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” - Maya Angelou

We are all a work in progress. I am no exception to this. As a yoga teacher and circle holder, I have tried to be as honest and transparent as possible about my struggles, mistakes, and fumblings. Recently, I’ve understood the gravity of a perpetual mistake I’ve made. I’ve suggested everything is optional.

Everything can’t be optional.

I’ve suggested students find comfort and ease. Not everything can, or should, be comfortable. The feeling of a right to emotional and psychological comfort of white people, in fact, is a characteristic of white supremacy.  And easy is not the tone of this revolutionary time. 

Do white people need to be made comfortable? Is yoga (or yoga-inspired exercise) just another space to hide in privilege? It is a practice appropriated from people of color, commodified by white people and, ironically, not ironically, used in some regards by white people to stay away from deeper conversations about race. As Robin DiAngelo states, “white people have extremely low thresholds for enduring any discomfort associated with challenges to our racial worldviews.” 

White folks like me are having a reckoning right now. There are major parts of white culture (inside and outside) that need to be excavated, looked at dead on, and then done away with. This is not comfortable work and it won’t be complete after one, or even dozens of, times. This is a lifetime of work that we MUST start, continue, and maintain from NOW on. Look at the news, read the statistics, don’t let denial take your hand. Centralize Black voices as you undertake this reckoning. Do your work.

And most importantly --reflect on how you’re feeling after reading this. Notice. Discomfort? Defensiveness? Boredom? Confusion? Appreciation? Wonder? Whatever it is, dig in. Then ACT. 

Resources

White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism. By Robin DiAngelo

Order

Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out. By Ruth King

Order

How to be an anti-racist. By Ibram X. Kendi

Order

So you want to talk about race. By Ijeoma Oluo

Order

Yoga and the Roots of Cultural Appropriation by Shreena Gandhi and Lillie Wolff

Here

There is no Neutral - a Tedx talk by Michelle Johnson

Here

Yoga in America Often Exploits My Culture—but You May Not Even Realize It. By Rina Deshpande

Here

I was honored to be a "community responder" for the Rep's production of "Every Brilliant Thing." The play presents a son's story about his mother's depression. It's a one person play which uses audience members to represent major characters in the storyline: the character's father, school counselor, vet. It is striking that although the play is "about" the mother, she is not included. No one steps forward to play the role of the mother. No one speaks to the inner experience of the mother. The son creates a list of "Every Brilliant Thing," a way to counter the heaviness of the depression. In my response, I stepped into the role of the mother, reading from my own journal a list, not of brilliant things but of devastating worries. Mothers matter. 

When someone births and that birth is difficult or traumatic, a common platitude "Well. You've got a healthy baby. That's all that matters." is issued from family, strangers, the birthing person, the birthing person's partner, the care team. This sentiment is so ubiquitous, often the person who gave birth is all but erased from the meaning-making of the event, not unlike the absence of the mother in "Every Brilliant Thing." 

As a doula, I speak to the violence I have witnessed in the birth world. The majority of the births I have witnessed have included, at least, egregious lack of consent, and at most, full assault. They aren't called that because they're "medical procedures." This is not just my experience, this is a situation doulas know from experiencing it over and over and over. If you were violated, disrespected and/or unheard in your birth experience, I hear you. Your story matters. It's not ok. It needs to change NOW.

Please visit the Exposing the Violence Project to share your story. 

Top 5 reasons to practice Yoga in the midst of a Polar Vortex

Top 5 reasons to practice Yoga in the midst of a Polar Vortex:

To EXPAND: Most of us are in a constant state of bracing against the cold – both physically and mentally. Come to Yoga to relax outward and ease inward. 

To BREATHE: Part of this bracing response is a catch in the breath – easy to understand when the breath we draw in may freeze our nose hairs into a matte! Sit down on your mat and breathe deeply. 

To CONNECT: Many of us choose to forgo activities in the weather – who wants to go outside to get anywhere?! Coming into the Yoga circle can fill your thirst for community and connection – which boosts immunity and mental health. 

To FEEL GOOD: it doesn’t feel good to be so cold. It does feel good to streeeetch, to feel heat build in the body from your good effort, and to relax fully and deeply. 

To FEEL GRATEFUL: In spite of the cold, most of us are inconvenienced rather than truly threatened by the cold. When we turn our awareness to gratitude, we can feel supercharged to serve in ways that can help to alleviate suffering in our communities. 

CAUTION: Yoga may induce what is sometimes called “Involuntary Polar Euphoria”!

#smufslife

Ok, I am finally writing this post. I am going to share the SMUFS philosophy with the world.

I honestly don't remember when it started, but I'm sure it had to do with coffee. My partner and I are often working alternate shifts on the home front. I go to bed first, he gets up first. I am home during the day, he is home at night. So, naturally, we pick up where the other left off: domestically, parentally, laundry-ly.  If he is tired at the end of his "shift," he may leave the dinner dishes in the sink. This means that I begin my shift with a sink full of dirty dishes (this, by the way, is NOT SMUFS.)

I'm sure that way back when, I woke up and did not have coffee (wasn't ground, pot wasn't set-up, out of filters, or some variation). And I requested that next time, he set me up for success. In fact, why couldn't we always set each other up for success? As in: keep in mind where your partner is picking up, not just where you are leaving off. Set Me Up For Success: wipe down the highchair tray so I can put the child right in her highchair in the morning, I'll make the dinner and get it in the crockpot for when you get home and instantaneously need to feed four ravenous children. When there is an overnight accident, put those sheets in the washer so that partner can get them in the dryer and someone can get them back on the bed (preferably before the child is being put to bed, but that is pretty high level of SMUFery).

As time has passed, I have begun to consider setting MYSELF up for success, too. Why not?! The other day, we were at story time at the library and they offer snacks. We don't usually do snacks because the kids are so busy playing. But, a couple of weeks ago, I took one of those paper cups, I filled it with pretzel sticks and animal crackers. And guess what? When I was getting the squirmy toddler into the car: Bingo! Animal cracker bribe available! SMUFS!

SMUFS almost always means vaulting into the future, predicting upcoming vulnerable or stressful moments, and using present self awareness to set up said success in advance. I think it is a good way to live. I think it is a kind way to partner.

So, in case it's confusing, I have created a list of SMUFS and NOT SMUFS.

SMUFS
* Set the coffee pot up the night before. One button push, instant heaven.
* Load extra clothes, diapers, snacks for little ones into the car.
* Crock pot. 'Nuff said.
* Bring a plastic bag when you know your kid is going to get muddy, wet, or in some other way kidtastic at the outing-of-the-day.
* Carry 2-4 boxes of mac-n-cheese with you at all times.
* Charge the phone, laptop, iPad, etc, overnight.
* Say, "I'm so glad I got to see you/have breakfast with you/ hang out with you" to anyone, anytime.
* Grind coffee beans when you use the last or second- or third-to-last scoop.


NOT SMUFS
* Leaving the car seat, which you borrowed from one car to the other, in the car that is NOT at home with the kid.
* Not setting the coffee pot up.
* Leaving the kid-who-just-NEEDS-that-one-shirt's shirt in the washer and forgetting to get it transferred to the dryer.
* Running out of coffee (or any staple grocery product, really) and not telling your partner until s/he discovers it when desperately looking for a button to push at 6am.
* Spending the quarter that's in the car EXPLICTLY TO BE USED FOR THE CART AT ALDI, and not replacing it.
* Using the last diaper in the diaper bag and not re-filling it.
* Dropping someone's toothbrush in the garbage and not telling them a). that you dropped it into the garbage and b). that they should probably stop and get a new one on the way home.
* Knowing the cat puked all over the rug, not cleaning it up AND not giving your partner a heads up about the pile of regurgitated goo that they will, no doubt, unwittingly, step RIGHT INTO.

You can see that COFFEE plays a huge part in the SMUFS life of this house. What does SMUFS look like to you?

#smufslife

Love,
Amy

A Meditation for Challenging Relationships

Begin by sitting in a comfortable position with eyes closed lightly. Sit quietly for a little while, just letting yourself land in the present moment. (Note: you may want to do this with a friend and each take turns reading the instructions to the other)

Now, just imagine a person you are having a hard time with, not someone you can easily blow off, like your aunt’s second husband who’s annoying and opinionated (“Don’t try to win over the haters. You are not a Jackass whisperer” – Brene Brown). Bring to heart someone with whom there is some heart connection. The challenges between you could be of a longterm nature or just recent and acute. Although there may be several people that fall into this category, just choose one for now.*

Now imagine this difficult person (the “DP”) is quietly sitting opposite you at eye level. Imagine all the details you can about how the DP looks. Try to let the image become vivid. Do this for a few minutes.

Now, imagine that you switch places and become the DP. Notice first what it is like to be in this body.

How old are you?

How is you health? Do you have any physical discomforts as this person?

What emotions do you feel?

For what do you long?

What kind of thoughts are in your mind?

Spend a few minutes identifying with the DP.

            Now, look at the person sitting opposite you (you are the DP looking at you who began the exercise, i.e., yourself.) As you look at this person who is having such a difficult time with you, think about what it is you want from them. Imagine that the person can actually give you what you want. Now imagine that the person you are looking at gives you whatever it was that you wanted. Notice how you feel having received what you were longing for. Take a little while to go through this whole process.

Now, switch back and become your ordinary self again. Look at the DP again. Notice how you feel having given the DP what s/he wanted. Is it okay with you? Could you really do this? Breathe here, allowing any feelings, thoughts, images to circulate freely through your mind. When you feel ready, allow the images to fade as you become aware of your body again. Open the eyes slowly and sit quietly for a few more minutes.

* Although it may seem as if this practice is directed towards another, “difficult” person, you may find, after the practice, that your own internal shift may effect more than just this relationship. 

Namaste, 

Amy

Isvara Pranidhana

“…the gradual shift within from the external self to the True Self, loosening the hold of my ego and coming to identify with the billion lights within and all around – with what is larger than I… brings me a deep, uncanny relief.”

~ Sue Monk Kidd

I could approach this post the same way I usually do, with full yoga scholar hat on.  If I did that, I would tell you the ways in which the phrase is translated, the take of modern scholars on the meaning in current social contexts, and the way that plays out in our physical and energetic anatomy on the mat.

However, this niyama is personal. It’s as personal as it gets. So personal that it’s universal. When I see the phrase “devotion to the Lord” and consider the diversity of our yoga circles: different religious paths, different spiritual experiences, different lifestyles, etc, etc, my ego worries about pleasing all of those differences with a one-size fits all definition.

Instead, I’m going to go the deeply personal route and describe Isvara Pranidhana from my own experience. I use the yamas and niyamas as an ethical framework for approaching my work in the world (yamas) and my internal work (niyamas). And, even through that good work, my ego perseveres. There is a sense within of trying to control the output following on all this very intentional input. But, in the end, I give it all up. I give it up to my Teacher, to the Earth, to the Universe. I give it up to the All-That-Is which includes me but is certainly not limited to me. And one thing I know is true from years of practicing and teaching yoga, letting go is about the hardest job we can ever do.

So, practice this this month. Let go. Surrender. Trust in Grace. And see if you can glimpse the billion lights within and all around.

Svadhyaya - self-study

Svadhyaya takes the power of tapas and directs and integrates it. We begin to dive deeper, moving past the stilled surface created by our work with the yamas. According to Iyengar, it is reading one’s own book of life, at the same time as writing and revising it.

Svadhyaya is not narcissistic. As we know, this eight limbed path moves towards Samadhi – a realization of our oneness with all that is. Therefore, svadhyaya, although the study of the self, is not limited to the study of the individual personality. It begins there and moves deeper and deeper as we release, through tapas, the masks of separateness.

In asana, we practice svadhyaya as we cultivate an internal gaze – seeing our body from the inside and letting go of external ideas of how our body should look or feel.

As you move through your asana practice, pause after each pose. Actively cultivate the internal gaze of self-reflection. What do you notice? In what way has the pose shifted your energy, your muscles, your bones, your breath? Move thoughtfully through your practice this way, and notice how this perspective begins to follow you off of the mat as well.